surrender

it seems like such a dirty word,

surrender

one commonly thinks of having one's back against the wall, of not having a choice or the only choice to be to live our die

in part, that is correct. the choice to live or to die.

but what if surrender means TO DIE?

i am besieged by fear and doubt. and i am surrendering. but not to that fear and doubt and all my rational thoughts. i am surrendering to something quite the opposite, yet at the same time riddled with death, but the death that can only bring life...

i am stepping out in faith. faith that i am doing the right thing. faith that in doing what i said i would do, things will work for the better.

it is death to the fear and doubt--and to myself. it is trusting in something bigger than me. trusting that i will be taken care of and looked after. and it might be hard. it might be that the hardest is yet to come.

i surrender