A Life Documentary

I'm not about to pretend that I don't say or do stupid stuff all the time. My Facebook and this blog are living proof of that.

Neither am I going to pretend that I am going to stop. Ever.

Thirty seems to be an odd, interesting, exciting time in my life. I think I am finally old enough to be smart, but still young enough to be stupid...or something like that. I have finally decided that it is high time to pursue my dreams and make them a reality--to do things I've always wanted to do but just lacked the testicular fortitude to endure.

I couldn't tell you when this breakthrough happened, because it has been a gradual process. I can't tell you why this happened, because it is so multifaceted. And I won't tell you that I don't have a screw loose--because I just might.

I have always enjoyed writing, as long as I ignored the concept of deadlines (though I am getting better on that issue), and so this past year I have made an effort to write more. What I have found in that is 1) my writing has improved a little bit and I am beginning to write more confidently and consistently in what teachers/instructors/professors have called my "unique writing voice", 2) I am maturing (sort of), changing and coming into my own as a person (even though I was led to believe this was supposed to happen earlier in life), and 3) I am reading more of what other people write and it excites me and makes me wonder if I can have that same impact on a reader.

So here I am, writing about my life and experiences for others to read and maybe take something away from.

While I am in Alaska this summer, I do not know if I will be able to post, but i am leaning towards "most likely not". I will, however, be writing a lot when I have the time an energy to do so and my life is not being sucked away by saltwater and salmon. I may even write my posts in letters and have someone else post for me. My primary (and only?) form of contact with the outside would will be through handwritten letters, so when I have the address all of my fan and hate mail should be sent to, I will keep you apprised by posting it here, on my blog.

It is now 3am, so I think I will try to catch some sleep...my schedule has been a bit funny since I was deathly ill on Saturday and slept all day, followed by a strange day Sunday and then starting Sunday night on an 11pm-3am shift for a few days in a row....

Oh, and if you read my blog, share it with friends.

Fear and Discouragement

I am excited about going to Alaska, don't get me wrong, but where the excitement and reality meet is where I am finding a little bit of fear and discouragement.

I leave for Alaska in just about two months. Currently work is slow and I am collecting unemployment, which is a LOT less money than I make when I am working. I have bills stacking up that I need to take care of before I leave, I have to buy all my rain gear, boots, and commercial crewman fishing license before I go...

I find myself in a particularly strange place of complete and total reliance on God. I have little control over how much money I am making right now, and after running the numbers a few times over, I find that I am in a much tighter financial circumstance than anyone in their right mind would want to be before heading all the way across the country to work for six months at a job that will not pay anything until the contract term is over.

Fear and discouragement are creeping in, yet, by leaning on God and trusting Him, there is an almost disconcerting amount of peace that I am feeling in the midst of it. I was praying for this job and the experience it will bring me, if that is what God wanted... and it is what I have--along with a few challenges and faith.

"Please find attached a contract to work... from May 2nd through October 7th, 159 days."

After decades of dreaming, years of yearning... eh.. forget the alliteration.

I applied to work in Alaska for the summer at the end of December and after a little over a month, I got offered a contract on February 8th.

Whoot! the dream is becoming a reality!

Now all I need to do is sell over half the stuff I own, find some (hopefully) temporary housing for my dog, fly to Alaska, and start work--all in two month's time.

YIKES!

goals for the next 12 months or so

So, as I cannot sleep right now, I have decided to write down goals that I have for the next 12 months or so. Hopefully this will keep them from bouncing around my head too much right now.

1. Climb a BIG wall.. multi-pitch ascent type stuff.
2. Ski AND snowboard some black diamonds out east here--without dying-- and maybe hit some powder out west.
3. Whitewater kayak
4. Move somewhere else for a while.. Schuylkill Haven, Black Mountain/Asheville, Seattle....???
5. Work on a fishing boat in Alaska??? (I have a solid contact... I've just gotta follow though to see if it would actually work out)
6. Ride my bike at least 20 miles a week. I haven't ridden in over 2 months. :(
7. Rollerblade at least 5 miles a week.
8. Go to yoga classes more regularly... I haven't been in a while, and I recognize that my body felt the best it ever has when I was going to yoga.
9. Slackline whenever I have a chance. It is sooooo good and fun and really helps with balance and strengthening core and stabilizer muscles.
10. Lose another 10-20 lbs of fat and replace it with muscle.
11. Travel somewhere by train.
12. Polish up my songs and record them and put out an album (I am a procrastinator... I have some done, but many others not)
13. Learn how to cook healthy meals for one person. It is hard to cook for yourself when you are single without having a lot of leftovers.
14. Get COMPLETELY out of debt (yes, it is completely possible)

Right now that is all I can think of off of the top of my head... I might be back down to write more if i still can't sleep. These are definately goals for the next 12 months... maybe the next 10 months... before my 30th birthday. We shall see.