Hi, my name is Sean, and I am a rock climber with tendinitis.
Sounds like something I might stand up and say at an injured climbers support group.
Unfortunately, if that is the right word, I don't have tendinitis from climbing, I have it from working. That is right, I have a work related injury that prevents me from doing something I love to do. Now, when you are done crying for me--as you surely are--, please know that this injury might be a good thing.
What?
Yes, a good thing. It has enabled me to take stock of my life and what is important to me. The tendinitis, along with this nagging fatigue that seems to have become my existence, have forced me to slow down and examine where I am, where I was, and where I want to be... and I realized that I am lost, I have a broken compass, and my map is nowhere to be found.
Rule #1 when you are lost: stay put.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
i've been doing a lot of thinking recently... and when i say a lot, i mean A LOT. in fact, WAY too much to write about right here, right now.
i will say this, however:
one of the big things i've been thinking about and trying to wrap my head around is the concept of "what is the responsible thing to do?". i think for years now, i have been "playing it safe" under the guise of "being responsible". that, in itself, seems to me to be irresponsible. i believe, in many cases, following one's dreams and desires is the more responsible thing to do.
a friend said this to me the other day:
does this seem like a re-hash of theme of previous posts, or is it a theme that is emerging...? in any case, i might have to investigate this further and write more about it, because i do not think i am the only one plagued by this type of situation and dilemma.
-----------------------
*edit*
yeah, i should also mention that i am going to be laying down a big chunk of change this year to get my Wilderness First Responder certification (a step up from Wilderness First Aid) and i also am going to be applying to work as a fisherman in Alaska for NEXT summer and i will be saving up a huge amount of money between now and then so i can be sure that if i am hired i can go...
i will say this, however:
one of the big things i've been thinking about and trying to wrap my head around is the concept of "what is the responsible thing to do?". i think for years now, i have been "playing it safe" under the guise of "being responsible". that, in itself, seems to me to be irresponsible. i believe, in many cases, following one's dreams and desires is the more responsible thing to do.
a friend said this to me the other day:
"I am a firm believer in the idea that if you work hard, do things for yourself, follow your dreams (no matter how crazy they may seem to others), and make your priority over all other things feeling content with yourself, that all will fall into place. Sometimes it sucks, and patience is a word to loathe, but at the end of the day life is in your hands and dependent on the decisions and risks you are willing to take. Moral of the story (and I am well aware that this sounds cheesy as hell)... if you want to go to Alaska, go to Alaska. If you want to climb in all 50 states, climb in all 50 states. If you want to finish school, finish school. If you want to switch jobs, switch jobs. Its hard, incredibly hard, to break out of the familiar... but the world is huge and every corner of it is worth exploring because you never know what (a job, a person, a moment, a vista...) you might find."
--ep
does this seem like a re-hash of theme of previous posts, or is it a theme that is emerging...? in any case, i might have to investigate this further and write more about it, because i do not think i am the only one plagued by this type of situation and dilemma.
-----------------------
*edit*
yeah, i should also mention that i am going to be laying down a big chunk of change this year to get my Wilderness First Responder certification (a step up from Wilderness First Aid) and i also am going to be applying to work as a fisherman in Alaska for NEXT summer and i will be saving up a huge amount of money between now and then so i can be sure that if i am hired i can go...
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
spr episode 30: a new goal
Please forgive the horribly inept Star Wars reference that is the title of this post.
As I was cruising around on facebook this evening--as I normally do--trolling the internet for cheap amusement and a farce of a muse, I inadvertently set a goal for myself that I believe I will hold myself to:
Between now and my 40th birthday, I will rock climb, boulder, or ice climb in all 50 states.
If you do the math, that averages out to be 5 states a year (the last time i checked, anyhow).
This means that 1) I need to travel more, 2) I need to plan for travel more, 3) I need to find people that might be willing to help me out on this endeavour.
Now to some, this may seem like no big deal. And it isn't. Except that in the first 30 years of my life, I have been in less than half of the states, and most of those were when I was just driving though.
I obviously don't get out much.
This year I hope to knock out Ohio, West Virginia, Kentucky, Washington (God willing...), Indiana (maybe), and of course, Pennsylvania. I can easily do 4 of those, but I am setting my sights high and going for a few more.
I think I might go to the store, get some poster board, draw an artistic interpretation of the general shape of the country with the state borders (or coerce an artistic friend to do it for me) and use that as my checklist... I might even use some gold stars or stickers or something.
Dang, now I'm excited.
As I was cruising around on facebook this evening--as I normally do--trolling the internet for cheap amusement and a farce of a muse, I inadvertently set a goal for myself that I believe I will hold myself to:
Between now and my 40th birthday, I will rock climb, boulder, or ice climb in all 50 states.
If you do the math, that averages out to be 5 states a year (the last time i checked, anyhow).
This means that 1) I need to travel more, 2) I need to plan for travel more, 3) I need to find people that might be willing to help me out on this endeavour.
Now to some, this may seem like no big deal. And it isn't. Except that in the first 30 years of my life, I have been in less than half of the states, and most of those were when I was just driving though.
I obviously don't get out much.
This year I hope to knock out Ohio, West Virginia, Kentucky, Washington (God willing...), Indiana (maybe), and of course, Pennsylvania. I can easily do 4 of those, but I am setting my sights high and going for a few more.
I think I might go to the store, get some poster board, draw an artistic interpretation of the general shape of the country with the state borders (or coerce an artistic friend to do it for me) and use that as my checklist... I might even use some gold stars or stickers or something.
Dang, now I'm excited.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
cabin fever... sort of
it is 2:23am on wednesday morning. i was asleep. i was dreaming. and a head over heels crash into a snow dusted boulder woke me up.
this has become a growing problem. while i am growing a bit tired of the snow and cold and being inside, i think my main frustration is that i am not out IN the snow and cold. i have cabin fever, but i don't want to run off to a sunny beach. i want to ski. i want to snowboard. i want to get good.
i want powder.
i've never been an adrenaline junkie. i thought my quarter-life crisis was over, and i think this is too early for a mid-life crisis. so what is it?
now, all juiced up with adrenaline and excitement, i need to try to get back to sleep so i can get up and go to work in 4 hours...
i'm thinking i might go skiing afterward.
this has become a growing problem. while i am growing a bit tired of the snow and cold and being inside, i think my main frustration is that i am not out IN the snow and cold. i have cabin fever, but i don't want to run off to a sunny beach. i want to ski. i want to snowboard. i want to get good.
i want powder.
i've never been an adrenaline junkie. i thought my quarter-life crisis was over, and i think this is too early for a mid-life crisis. so what is it?
now, all juiced up with adrenaline and excitement, i need to try to get back to sleep so i can get up and go to work in 4 hours...
i'm thinking i might go skiing afterward.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Alaska (chapter 3, the chapter before intermission)
I pulled the plug.
I hate that.
After a temporary layoff from carpentry in the late fall, I knew things were going to be tight financially to be able to afford a ticket to Alaska and keep my finances in order at home in my absence. I just got another temporary layoff again which pretty much blows my financing of my personal adventure out of the water. Sure, I could skip town and not pay my bills for a few months and then catch up when I got back, but I have spent most of my mid- and late-20's getting out of the financial hole I dug for myself in my early 20's, and I do not want to do anything to jeopardize the progress that I have made, not to mention the effect it would have on other people as well.
So, I am not going to Alaska this summer to work as a commercial salmon setnetter. =c(
There are other factors behind my decision other than financial. My Grandfather is getting up in years, and I want to be able to spend as much time with him as possible; my cousin is getting married this summer; I just signed a year long apartment lease (which kind of fits into the financial category as well); I've still got a ton of boxes and stuff to sort through and throw out from YEARS of being a pack rat.
Looking at all these reasons as I type them, they all seem like excuses. Maybe they are excuses, but at the same time, they are all valid reasons. I thought and prayed hard about this, and it is painful for me to have to pull the plug on myself. Hopefully, I can apply again next year, and possibly get hired. In the meantime, I am going to work on my photography skills, my writing skills, take some more classes and keep working toward my degree, renew my Wilderness First Aid certification (and possibly pursue Wilderness First Responder or even Wilderness EMT), go skiing, rock climbing, backpacking, hiking, swimming, kayaking, etc., all while planning and saving for Alaska in 2011.
I feel like I rushed myself into it this year. I knew, and know, it is something I want to do, but I feel ill-prepared for the venture at this point, financially, as I mentioned, as well as getting other things in my life in order.
Like I said though, in the meantime I am going to live for my normal pursuits and adventures. If you want to join me, or want me to join you, feel free to ask.
I hate that.
After a temporary layoff from carpentry in the late fall, I knew things were going to be tight financially to be able to afford a ticket to Alaska and keep my finances in order at home in my absence. I just got another temporary layoff again which pretty much blows my financing of my personal adventure out of the water. Sure, I could skip town and not pay my bills for a few months and then catch up when I got back, but I have spent most of my mid- and late-20's getting out of the financial hole I dug for myself in my early 20's, and I do not want to do anything to jeopardize the progress that I have made, not to mention the effect it would have on other people as well.
So, I am not going to Alaska this summer to work as a commercial salmon setnetter. =c(
There are other factors behind my decision other than financial. My Grandfather is getting up in years, and I want to be able to spend as much time with him as possible; my cousin is getting married this summer; I just signed a year long apartment lease (which kind of fits into the financial category as well); I've still got a ton of boxes and stuff to sort through and throw out from YEARS of being a pack rat.
Looking at all these reasons as I type them, they all seem like excuses. Maybe they are excuses, but at the same time, they are all valid reasons. I thought and prayed hard about this, and it is painful for me to have to pull the plug on myself. Hopefully, I can apply again next year, and possibly get hired. In the meantime, I am going to work on my photography skills, my writing skills, take some more classes and keep working toward my degree, renew my Wilderness First Aid certification (and possibly pursue Wilderness First Responder or even Wilderness EMT), go skiing, rock climbing, backpacking, hiking, swimming, kayaking, etc., all while planning and saving for Alaska in 2011.
I feel like I rushed myself into it this year. I knew, and know, it is something I want to do, but I feel ill-prepared for the venture at this point, financially, as I mentioned, as well as getting other things in my life in order.
Like I said though, in the meantime I am going to live for my normal pursuits and adventures. If you want to join me, or want me to join you, feel free to ask.
weather appropriate poetry
written march 2007 in response to something that someone else wrote....:
it is snowing again tonight. as i watch the flakes drift softly down towards the ground, occasionally interrupted by a gust of wind, i am reminded of you. i see the sparkle of your eyes in every flake that catches at least the slightest edge of light and reflects it back into my eyes.
the softness with which it lays--white and delicate--on the ground reminds me of the softness of your skin. it reminds me of the places on your back and arms and legs which the sun has not seen for at least many months.
the quietness makes my head and heart swell with visions of sitting with you; quiet and close. not saying a word to each other not because we are angry, or cannot communicate, but because we do not need to speak to enjoy each other. to enjoy the company of a dear friend who has become so much more is perhaps the greatest pleasure and aspiration life has to offer.
and the cold should not bother me much as long as i have you by my side. there is a warmth emanating from the depths of your soul, the apex of which i wish both to be able to stand upon and also never to find.
and beauty. oh, if only you could have the vision of my eyes for just one moment as i look at you. you are most beautiful. you beauty enraptures and encompasses all of my senses until i am completely spent and all i can touch, see, smell, taste, and breathe, is you. it is both debilitating and strengthening--holding me suspended in mid-air as if i were floating--no! flying! because to float would be too idle a task after an encounter of your beauty.
it is snowing again tonight. as i watch the flakes drift softly down towards the ground, occasionally interrupted by a gust of wind, i am reminded of you. i see the sparkle of your eyes in every flake that catches at least the slightest edge of light and reflects it back into my eyes.
the softness with which it lays--white and delicate--on the ground reminds me of the softness of your skin. it reminds me of the places on your back and arms and legs which the sun has not seen for at least many months.
the quietness makes my head and heart swell with visions of sitting with you; quiet and close. not saying a word to each other not because we are angry, or cannot communicate, but because we do not need to speak to enjoy each other. to enjoy the company of a dear friend who has become so much more is perhaps the greatest pleasure and aspiration life has to offer.
and the cold should not bother me much as long as i have you by my side. there is a warmth emanating from the depths of your soul, the apex of which i wish both to be able to stand upon and also never to find.
and beauty. oh, if only you could have the vision of my eyes for just one moment as i look at you. you are most beautiful. you beauty enraptures and encompasses all of my senses until i am completely spent and all i can touch, see, smell, taste, and breathe, is you. it is both debilitating and strengthening--holding me suspended in mid-air as if i were floating--no! flying! because to float would be too idle a task after an encounter of your beauty.
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